Nius blong Mitufala

I am not a liar... (UPDATED - read comments)

... I really do have a community of supportive, opinionated women reading this blog.  Give a girl some advice! 

I don't want to be the only one providing Marissa with unsolicited baby equipping advice...  I know you all have something to say on this matter!  What have you liked?  What haven't you liked?  What would you recommend and why?!

Dear Marissa,

When you told me that you were going to be a mom, I was so excited and happy for you and Mark.  I was suprised at how much I loved being pregnant and am so pleased that you know the particular joy that a sharp kick to the bladder can give. 

As you know from years of experience, taking advice is not one of my strong points.  However, I have never been so thankful for a strong community of women to lean on as I was when I was pregnant and a new mom.  One of the best things about this blog is an assurance that the women reading it are people I love, trust and respect.  While a relatively small group, they are from all parts of the world and from different walks of life.  One of the first (of many!) gifts that I would like to offer you is some pre-baby advice from myself with a call to all of my trusted ladies - mothers, grandmothers, sisters and aunts alike - to join in.

So here goes... a bevy of unsolicited "Waiting and Preparing for Baby" advice:

The BabyMoon
Waiting for Simon was a priviledged, wonderful time for Fred and I.  I'm glad we took advantage of our last 9 months alone, because we truly did not realise how all consuming parenthood, and particularly the first 6 months of parenthood, was going to be.   We took several trips to locations that we wouldn't necessarily want to take a small child (or a bigger child for that matter).  We also spared no expense for lingering meals in restaurants and good massages.  We have never regretted this...

The Renos
From your recent FB posts, it looks like you have this well in hand.  As soon as we found out that Simon was on the way, we immediately got busy not just setting up the baby room, but also addressing all the issues that would make the house baby-friendly (but not necessarily baby-proof).  We worked very hard to get these all done before Simon arrived and it was well worth the effort because sleep-deprivation makes one really lethargic and unwilling to complete outstanding renovations.  You will also spend so much time feeding, changing diapers and jiggling your child during the first months that you won't care either.

Gear - the big, expensive stuff 
When I first started looking at baby gear, I was not only overwhelmed because it's a market that I was not familiar with, but also because the prices ranged from cheap to ridiculous.  Cribs, strollers, car seats, mattresses, sheets, towels, diaper bags... it was difficult for me to determine which items were worth spending big bucks on and which items I should go with cheaper versions. Here is, in my opinion, the stuff worth spending good money on:

• Crib - Get one that is attractive, functional and able to be tranformed into a toddler bed.  This is a piece of equipment that you will be dealing with everday for years and years.  You might as well purchase one that is attractive!  Get one with a sliding siderail - this was very useful when we were doing the side-car sleeping arrangement with Simon when he was little tiny and feeding every 5  minutes.  Get a wooden one - Simon ended up chipping a tooth while trying to gnaw on the metal rail on his crib.  Wood would be much more teething friendly.  Get one that allows you to put the mattress as varying levels - this will save you from having to break your back bending over while baby is small and worrying to death when they start to pull-up to standing.
• Stroller/Car seat -  We have blessed our Baby Jogger stroller over and over again.  It is not good for travelling (large and heavy) but is perfect for Vanuatu terrain.  Take some time to think about exactly what you will be using your stroller for... will it be just for walks, will it be for travelling too, will it be for use in the grocery store, will it be for hiking...  All of these considerations will determine which stroller to buy.  I would even recommend purchasing an excellent primary stroller (ie a stroller suited to daily use) and then buying a cheap umbrella stroller (only useful when baby can sit up unassisted) for travel and store shopping.  Re a car seat, we chose not to get a travel set (stroller/car seat combo) and didn't regret it.  However, I know lots of mom's that recommend this and enjoy it.  At any rate, NEVER skimp on a good car seat and be sure to get one that goes from infant through 35lbs.
• Diaper Bag - I have used our diaper bag everday for the past year.  It has served us through thick and thin and is always at the ready.  It was meant to be a teacher's tote and not specifically for diaper-bag use - anything with various pockets to separate the wipes from the snacks will work.  Some people will use any old bag, but give your penchant for fashion and the use you will get out of this bag, I would say go with a stylish bag even if it's expensive.  You won't regret it. 
• Baby carrier - I loved the Baby K'Tan sling from day one.  It's light, easy to use, very breathable and flexible.  We still use it to this day when I have to carry Simon around airports or for long distances with the ease of a stroller.  I have lots of friends that prefer the Ergo Carrier, but I have to admit to never having used mine as it was too hot when Simon was tiny and then he hated it when he was older. 
• Travel Cot - If you are going to be travelling for long periods of time and/or quite a bit, I would recommend purchasing a light, portable travel cot.  Baby will feel much more secure during travel if they're sleeping in the same bed every night, and there's a lot to be said for light, easy to set up travel systems.  There are two brands out there that are excellent for camping as well as hotel travel - our prefered is Guava GoCrib but I have several friends that love, love, love the Phil and Ted's Traveller .
• Diapers - Given the OBSCENE amout of diapers that a small child goes through before they are potty trained, it is important to spend some time considering the diapering question.  There are arguments for and against cloth diapers given the water and electricity being expended to keep them clean.  I have chosen to do about half and half.  Water is plentiful in Vanuatu and land fill space is not.  However, electricity is expensive and run on diesel whereas environmental elements in Vanuatu biodegrade trash much faster than in arid, cold environments.  My favorite cloth diapers have been Pea Pods and my second favorite have been Bum Genius.  These are expensive, but if you follow the sanitation advice, they should last you two babies.  Two pieces of key advice:  get the snap and not velcro versions (they last a lot longer!) and once you get into cloth diapering, it is not too difficult, just a little gross (but you get over that quickly with small children).  Because Simon has generally been a good sleeper, he always wakes up in a peepee swamp when I cloth diaper over night.  So I have invested in more expensive but 100% biodegradable disposable diapers.  I have tried several brands and my favorites by far are Nature Babycare.  I find them soft, absorbent and strong.
• Breast Pump - Unless you are planning not to breast feed, you will not be going back to work until you're done breast feeding or you will never be separated from your baby for any length of time, you will need a breast pump.  If you're only going to be doing some occasional pumping, I would recommend just getting a small hand pump like the one from Avent.  However, if you have regular pumping to do and/or plan on pumping at work, the Medela Swing Pump was my best friends for many months.  The Swing is a small, very portable and effective electric breast pump that I could operate with one hand at work while I turned pages of reports with the other.  If you have MAJOR pumping (ie exclusive pumping) to do, I would recommend a double breast pump instead.

Stuff I regret spending a lot of money on:
There were a few things that I spent a lot of money on that I now regret.  First and foremost would be clothing.  Babies grow out of their clothing so quickly that they generally only get to wear a little outfit 2 or 3 times.  I have turned to quality secondhand clothing and this has been an excellent source of endlessly cute and cheap clothing options.

The second thing I regret is buying darling, expensive wooden toys when Simon has always preferred playing with the packaging they came in.  I'm not saying don't buy the occasional nice toy, but my friends and I have set up a sort of toy exchange and that's worked quite well.  The essential is that they toys are safe and clean...  that's about it.  Frankly, Simon is over 13 months old now and hasn't yet begun to realise what's his and what belongs to someone else.  And he would still rather play with a stick as opposed to the lovely set of Duplos that his grandparents sent him.

We bought an expensive changing table that we eventually re-sold because it didn't have enough room for all the supplies and broke my back because it wasn't at the right height.  We evenually ended up using an old desk which I fancied up.  This is the right height with plenty of spaces for Simon's 30million diaper accoutrements.  We purchases a cheap, plastic changing pad with raised sides and belt for saftey and some soft pad covers to protect his lovely skin.  This has done the job well.

We bought an expensive walker when Simon started trying to take steps.  It is cute, stable and functional.  He shuns it for the cheap, plastic version that plays "I'm a Barbie Doll" that a friend lent us when Simon became obsessed with it at her house.  Again -  no use investing in expensive toys until they're older!

Other Stuff
There are tons of other stuff that I would recommend, but I'll stick to the essentials that I use all the time:

• Butt creams - when Simon has diaper rash, I've found that a butt cream with a lanolin base and a zinc additive has been best for clearing this up.  Bepanthen is my favorite brand, but
  bepanthen (or lanolin and zinc-based butt cream) might be an Australian brand.  I have liked the results that Boudreaux's Butt Paste give, but I've stopped using it because the smell makes me gag.
• Millions of little bottles of hand-sanitizer - Given the amount throw-up, pee, poo, food, and dirt that you will be cleaning off yourself, your child and various surfaces, purchase many, many bottles of hand-sanitizer.  In fact, purchase stock in a hand sanitizer company.
• Bottle drying rack - Some are expensive and some are cheap, some are super stylish and some are ugly.  But what counts most with this key item that will take up counterspace in your kitchen for a few years is FUNCTIONALITY.  We've found this First Years version to be excellent for our needs. 
• Butt wipes - Earth's Best wipes are not only completely biodegradable, but also strong, soft and large.  I have tried to other biodegradable brands and have found them to be lacking.
• Breathable bumpers - Given the scientific evidence around SIDS death and bumper suffocation, I don't know why anyone would not choose these Breathable Bumpers for their babies.  These made me feel confident to put Simon in his own bed from a young age until my SIDS paranoia dimished.

I think I'll stop there for now because you're probably now scared whiskerless about having and equiping your baby!  But for any of my girls that are still with me, I ask you to weigh-in on any of these items or other items that you would highly recommend to Marissa.  You'll note that I haven't addressed diaper pails, bed sheets, towels, play gyms, etc etc etc.  Let her have it!

Le grand et le petit

Depuis que Kendra et Simon sont revenus, on a fait de nombreuses presentations. tout le monde veut voir le petit Simon. C est plutot normal vu qu il est tres mignon. Un des passages oblige a ete Vate Electris forcement, ou notre petit Simon de Tucson a pu rencontre le grand Simon d Ambrym. En effet un des gars qui travaille avec Antoine depuis 10 ans s appelle Simon. Il s occupe des papiers pour le dedouanement, il sert aussi de chauffeur pour les gars.

Il savait que le bebe s appellait simon et il avait vu des photos avant que Simon de viennent des USA, mais il ne l avait pas vu en vrai! Voila qui a ete fait mecredi dernier quand Kendra et le petit sont passes a Vate Electrics. Simon d Ambrym a pu tenir dans ses bras notre petit Simon et il n etait pas peu fier.

Simon est avec Flora sur la photo. Pour ceux qui connaissentm Flora est la soeur de Pierre Metsan, directeur de Montmartre.

Less Despondent - More Hopeful

I would like to give a big shout out to the ladies who commented with good advice on my last post.  ALL of your comments helped me more than you'll ever know.  Really - this is why I love blogging and am happy to be bluntly honest in my posts.  Solidarity during these first few weeks of motherhood is so important.  Thank you all for your advice and encouragement. 

Simon has gained 12 ounces in the last three days (!) and now weighs a whopping 9 pounds.  I am on prescription meds and fenugreek supplements to bring up my breastmilk - I feel like this is working slowly but surely.  Simon feeds at the breast first and then has an ounce or two of formula to top off.  This makes me feel a bit better about not being up to it (but SERIOUSLY - how ironic is it that I can't breastfeed successfully!).

Some photos of Simon from this morning taken for his papa who is back holding down the fort in Vanuatu:

 
 

 
Does anyone else think Simon's the spitting image of his dad?  Look at that schnoz!  And I don't know if it's very visible in the photos, but Simon also has Fred's widow's peak and dimpled chin.  Where am I in all this?!

Strike that... Reverse it

Fred, Simon and I just got back from a long day of standard pediatric visits... where we learned that while Simon is maintaining his weight, he is not gaining.  So it seems that my milk is NOT enough.  We're back to formula top-ups after each breastfeeding so that our little guy can begin to become a big guy.  Sigh and double sigh.  It seems so ironic that such big breasts would be so useless.  The pediatrician gave me a prescription for medicine which might help my milk to come in a bit better - here's hoping that helps!  In the meantime, Simon's beginning bottles.  I didn't want to have to do that yet, but there's no other option.  I am feeling rather despondent.

 

Getting into the Groove

I would like to start out this post by thanking all my wonderful female friends who wrote with excellent words of advice on the early days of parenting.  I am also thankful for those of you who wrote emails validating my feelings of being "cheated" out of my ideal birth experience.  Spending time at home with Fred, Simon, my parents and Fred's parents has helped to heal those wounds a bit.  We're all feeling a lot more relaxed and are falling into a slow but comfortable groove.

For those who are curious, my milk has at last come in.  For lack of a better analogy, my milk has trickled in over ten days rather than coming in within the "normal" three to five days after birth.  The best reasons I've heard for this phenomenon have been the IV fluids and the antibiotics that I received in the hospital and the overall trauma of the birth itself.  Whatever the reason, I am beyond thankful that I can satisfy my baby's needs now.  We're both enjoying peaceful nursing sessions together!

Youpee!  Our little Cowboy
 

Simon's Birth Story (Part 2)

After they stapled me up, Simon and I were wheeled into the recovery room for a couple of hours.  I was still numb from the waist down and had (thankfully) missed seeing and hearing Simon being suctioned, pricked and printed.  Poor baby - that is not what I wanted for him!

After a couple of hours, Simon went off to the nursery for "observation" and Fred accompanied me to a regular hospital room where nurses proceeded to check on my well-being every 45 minutes for the next 5 hours.  While I understand the need for this, it didn't allow for any rest for either Fred or I.  In addition, I found myself tethered to additional antibiotic lines to combat the uterine infection. 

Simon was eventually brought back to me around 6am and we started trying to breastfeed.  He had a strong sucking reflex and seemed to take to the breast quite easily.  He fed on and off all day while nurses prodded me and helped me to get out of bed a couple of times.  I was pleased that I felt well enough to stay off narcotics for pain - all they make me do is sleep!

My parents came to visit and then Fred went home with them for the evening to shower and get some sleep. 

Cue the worst night of my life.  I had heard of cluster feeding from infants where newborns finally "woke up" from the trauma of birth and wanted to be at the breast all night.  Simon decided that my second night in the hospital would be a good time to "cluster feed" or so I thought.  He was at my breast all night... and I mean ALL NIGHT.  I got absolutely no sleep in addition to the fact that I had to ease myself out of bed, drag an IV to the restroom and put a screaming baby into his cot in order to go to the bathroom.  

Fred called early in the morning and it was pretty much all I could do to squeak out a few words... I was beside myself.  Simon still hadn't calmed down and indeed was getting more and more frantic for food.  I finally asked for a lactation consultant to come and give me some advice.  A lovely woman came by and helped me to determine that the C-section and IV fluids had delayed my colostrum and milk production.  Great... my baby had been sucking all night and not getting a thing!  Poor little bug.  He was starving...  I was obliged to give some supplemental formula and Simon calmed down right away.  I was at least able to use an SNS (supplemental nutritional system) which consists of a bottle hanging over my shoulder with a tiny tube extended to my nipple.  This way, he was drinking formula but at my breast.

Unfortunately, I was obliged to stay a third night after my C-section because of the infection.  Cue another night of sleep interrupted by blood pressure cuffs and temperature taking.  No sleep for the weary.  The next day, we were sure to get discharged... but NO!  Because I had starved Simon the first night, his bilirubin (jaundice) levels went up and they wanted to keep him in pediatrics for an extra night under the bilirubin lights.  As if we hadn't been traumatised enough...

Fred had mercifully stayed with me for the next two nights and was a HUGE help.  How do single moms do it?!  He also stayed in pediatrics for the night with Simon and I...  and very hard night.  Simon had to be under the bili lights for three consecutive hours and I could only take him out to feed him for 30 minutes.

Luckily, Simon's bilirubin levels halved over night (due to good feeding among other things) and we were finally able to leave the hospital after 6 days.  I received excellent care... there is no question there.  However, I felt used and abused leaving the hospital.  I hadn't had more than a few hours of sleep in nearly a week and that left me little time to digest all that had happened.

In general, I feel like my body failed me by never going into labor and not producing enough milk for my baby.  I feel like I failed Simon for not being able to give him the peaceful entrance into the world that I wished for him.  I am feeling calmer now that I've been home for four days.  I feel cleaner, comparatively well-rested and happier.  It will take time to digest this experience, though.  I feel cheated out of the late-night hours spent timing contractions with my husband, cheated out of the excited (and painful) drive down to the birthing centre, cheated out of laboring in the tub, cheated out of the opportunity to push my baby out naturally, cheated out of a smooth transition into providing enough food for my baby.  What is my body's problem?!  I mean SERIOUSLY... I've been carrying around these big girls all these years for NOTHING?!

I need to acknowledge the support and love that Fred has given me.  I know how hard it is for him to understand why I feel so disappointed and cheated, but he has been a true rock for me during this time.  He has taken on as much responsibility as possible for Simon and those three nights together in the hospital brought me closer to him than any event during the previous 8 years we have spent together.  Fred leaves to go back to Vanuatu on the 8th and I am going to miss him and his support desperately.

 
 

 
 

A Lesson in Humility otherwise known as Simon's Birth Story (PART 1)

I was always under the impression that my pregnancy would be filled with bumps and trials because my mother's were difficult.  However, I really did live the text book pregnancy... even the swollen feet, over-active bladder and huge belly at the end were not that bad.  I must admit that it was a true joy to feel my little boy moving and growing inside of me.

While I did worry that pregnancy would be difficult, I never worried about labor.  I knew it would be hard work, but I think I was under the impression that if I planned well enough for any eventuality, I would be covered.  Well, this veteran planner has been brought to her knees by Simon's birth.  Here's the story thus far:

On July 20th, Fred and I went down to the El Rio Birth Center for a natural labor induction.  We had been trying regularly for two weeks to get labor started by any means possible (see my last post).  The Birth Center specialises in natural, non-tramatic births (picture bedrooms with very little medical equipment) and a team of fabulous midwives.  A major hospital is right across the street and the midwives also have admission privileges there.

I had envisioned a water birth at the Birth Centre with a midwife in attendance but chances of this were going down with every day that Simon was overdue.  In addition to very little labor progression, Simon was getting too big for his little home.  The 20th was induction day either naturally or at the hospital.

Almost immediately upon arriving at the Birth Centre and being checked by CeCe, the on-call midwife, we were informed that Simon was not sufficiently low in the birth canal nor was I sufficiently dialated (1cm) to try for a castor oil induction.  It probably would have been a long day full of vomit and diarrhea which wuld ahve finished in the hospital anyway.  Fred and I were told to go get lunch and meet CeCe at the hospital at 1pm.

We went to TGI Fridays where I spent lunch crying alternately in the bathroom and at the table while trying to choke down a turkey sandwich for energy.  I was mourning the first unplanned event in the delivery and the total death of my tranquil, natural birth. (I'm crying while remembering this... so hard.)

At 2pm, Fred and I were ushered back into the hospital room that we would both get to know so well.  Here is where I broke into tears for the second time that day (and the second time in this post).  It was so daunting to see all the medical equipment , the hydraulic bed, etc.  I was soon wearing a bum-bearing gown, tethered to an IV of pitocin and lying back in a hospital bed... exactly what I had been trying to avoid.

In addition to the pitocin, the midwife had inserted a Cook's Cervical Dialator to speed things along.  Picture a long, thin tube with two balloons about 4cm in diameter spaced at approximately 1cm from each other at the end of the tube.  The tube is inserted into the cervix and the balloons are inflated - one above the cervix and one below.  This puts pressure on the cervix to dialate quicker and more efficiently... if you're anyone but me.  It took 12 hours for the pitocin, contractions and Cooks to work to get me to 4cm.  By this time it was 2 am on the 21st.

At 2am, a new midwife came in and broke my waters.  This was an exciting moment because, though I knew hard labor was close, it also meant my baby was coming!  Despite the monitor showing that contractions were mounting in intensity, I wasn't in major pain until about 2pm on the 21st.  Then, the contractions hit my back and I was reduced to a moaning heap.  At this point, I was 6cm dialated.  Committed to a natural birth, I labored this was until 3pm when I was told that I was still at a 6 and again until 4pm when I was STILL at a 6.  I broke down here and requested an epidural.

A little aside about an epidural - it was hard to sit still for the needle while having contractions, but once the medicine started acting, it was sheer relief.  And at first, I was ashamed of myself for accepting this relief (even when the anesthesiologist said he rarely saw a woman on pitocin labor to a 6 before getting an epidural)... until about 9:30 that evening when I was finally fully effaced and at a 10.  However, Simon had not yet fully descended and my midwife made the decision to let me "labor down" (essentially continue contractions to bring Simon into place) until 10:30pm.

At 10:30, Fred and a tech took their places at either of my legs while the midwife (a third one by this time) sqatted under me to check progression.  After pushing for over an hour and a half, Simon had not yet budged... and I was developing a fever from a uterine infection contracted from having my waters broken so long before having the baby.  Simon, who had been handling labor quite well up to this point, started to have a fast heartbeat.  It was now in the early minutes of July 22nd.

A flurry of activity suddenly sprang up in the room as the prepped me for an emergency Caesarean (C-section for those Americans).  The process was amazingly swift and efficient - Fred and I were both completely ready in about 20 minutes.  We were wheeled into the operating room at about 12:45 and at 12:55, Simon's cries were filling the room.  I sobbed for the third time in the hospital while Fred giggled and jumped for joy.  Simon was in great health and cute as a button.  Fred followed him back to the room where my Mom and a battery of nurses were waiting while I was stapled back together.

41 weeks and counting...

Mom has been trying to help Simon along like this:

Evening primrose oil for cervical ripening, Mylanta to combat heartburn from spicy food, Black Cohosh to stimulate contractions, Red Raspberry Leaf Tea for cervical softening, a breast pump for nipple stimulation, long walks, etc..
 

Dad has been keeping busy like this (Click on the image to see Fred's artistic prowess in detail!):

 
  
But this:

... is getting just a bit too heavy.  

So now it's time to get serious:

 
 See you on the flip side!
 

40 weeks and 3 days... and a little too much information

I'll begin this post with a photo of Fred and I taken about 10 mintues ago.  I will then proceed to give you the medical details from our midwife visit this morning.  For those of you who are not interested or if it's a little too much information, don't scroll past the photos!

For those of you who know me well, you'll know that I'm not particularly shy nor am I wont to withold personal information.  I have tried to keep major medical details from pregnancy entries, however, because I figure that most of you don't want to hear about it.  However, Simon and I are now almost at 41 weeks of gestation and I figure it's time to get down to the nitty-gritty.

Last week, during my cervical check, the midwife said I was 80% effaced but not dialated at all.  I was quite worried that during today's check, she would find that I was still not dialated.  However, I had a 1cm dilation which was just enough for her to do a membrane sweep.

For those of you who are not familiar with membrane sweeps, the midwife inserts a finger into the cervix and runs it around between the uterine wall and the bag of waters.  This is supposed to loosen the bag from the wall and secrete hormones that encorage labor.  It was a relatively quick if painful process.  Cramping and some bleeding soon ensued but no major contractions yet.  I'm hoping that tonight, labor will start!

In the meantime, I am doing everything possible to make this baby come.  I am swallowing a horrid tincture of black cohosh, drinking rasperry leaf tea (which I will be using as a laxative in the future - OMFG), taking primrose oil, and mall-walking because it's too f-ing hot to walk outside.  I should also mention that Fred and I have been ... um... well, let's just say that I don't think I've felt this inept at an activity that I've done this much for a long time.

If Simon doesn't show by Sunday morning, I wil return to the birth centre for another membrane sweep.  If that doesn't work, I go in Tuesday for an extreme castor oil induction.  UGH.  It apparently is not only an internal mixture but also a belly poultice.  It's the last stop in natural induction for the birth centre because it generally not only makes you go into labor but also gives you nasty vomiting and diarrhea.  Lovely. 

If all that that doesn't work... it's Pitocin in the hospital.  I will be particularly upset about this because a) I didn't want to be medically induced and b) my insurance won't cover this (long story short - Australian medical costs are much lower than American costs and my premium is way lower than a hospital birth). 

But the long and the short of it is that Simon will be here in a week whether he wants to come or not!

In the meantime, please send good labor and cervical dilation vibes.